did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
