found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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