I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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