I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
