based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
