yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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