If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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