Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
