Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
