and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
