the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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