What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
