Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
