there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
