I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
