Sry I called you an 8
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
