When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
