Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
is it fun? or sober?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
