you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
