Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
