i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
