Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
