so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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