i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
