I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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