Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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