my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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