today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
