oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
