how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
