Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
