i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
