did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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