That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
