I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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