I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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