Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
