Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I fill condoms, not promises.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
