Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
