sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
