A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
