apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
