TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
