your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
