Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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