I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
