Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
