On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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