Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
