Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize