meet me or not, i'm out of control
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
