arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
